


All I See is You

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe-Canon Divergence, Cuddling, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, No Voldemort, Pining, Slow Burn, post—hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 18:19:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7585030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James is there for Regulus, in any capacity.  But he wants more.  He's always wanted more.  Especially when he's been half-in love with the other man for far too many years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I See is You

**Author's Note:**

> For anon: I've had a real bad day. can you pls write James/Regulus first time with a lot of fluff and james just really being in love with Regulus. thank you.

James pushed the door open with some effort, annoyed that it was caught up on something. A small rug, it turned out. The room was a bit manky from disuse, dust on a lot of the surfaces, but he reckoned opening up the window would do the trick. The bed wasn’t more than a naked mattress, but the linen cupboard had stacks upon stacks of clean sheets and duvets that were always freshly laundered.

He didn’t look behind him as he crossed the room, pushing the latch and throwing the window open. It was raining outside, the wind carrying bits of it onto the window sill, but the room immediately began to feel clean again. James closed his eyes, trying not to feel too much right then.

He allowed himself relief, and regret that Regulus hadn’t turned up sooner. But he didn’t dwell on it. He was just finally not feeling the ache in his gut every second of every day when he thought about this house, about his parents and how they should…

He stopped himself again.

He could hear Remus and Sirius downstairs rowing—likely over what was for tea, and whether or not they should stay. James was already dealing enough with Lily’s pregnancy, and their split, her confession that she had believed she wanted something she didn’t. And he knew she’d be happier off with Marlene. He’d always known that.

When she agreed to go out with him the last year of school he’d been more surprised than excited. And when it had eventually all come crashing down, he found himself more relieved than sad. He wanted Lily to be happy, and the truth was, he wanted to be happy too. With each passing day he knew they belonged somewhere else.

But they were okay now.

He was okay.

He was adjusting.

He only wished he had somewhere to do it that wasn’t in his childhood home. Not like this. But Regulus’ arrival meant he had somewhere to put his focus. Regulus, whom he’d once snogged in what he thought was Regulus’ act of defiance. Regulus’ attempt to hurt Sirius in some way, but he wondered now, if that really was it.

Regulus had to know James had wanted him once. He was fifteen, Regulus fourteen, and it was the first—and last—time he’d been invited to the Black’s. Walburga and Orion weren’t there. Sirius was meant to be keeping an eye on his younger brother.

They were sneaking muggle take-away into the house and Regulus was watching from behind the banister on the stairs. James had grabbed him by the hand and dragged him into the kitchen. James delighted in watching Regulus’ face experience things so far out of his comfort zone he didn’t know what to do.

When Sirius had snuck out to have a date with his werewolf boyfriend, James took the opportunity to convince Regulus to let him in his bedroom. And when he didn’t scoff at the Slytherin décor, and when he merely complimented Regulus’ growing skills as a seeker, and had a friendly row over the Kestral’s line-up, things changed.

For a little while, James thought it was going to be okay. Their hands touched secretly under tables and knees knocked together on the sitting room sofa.

And then the parents had returned and James had been thrown out. Despite silencing charms, James could hear Walburga’s voice carrying on about Blood Traitors and disgracing their noble home.

James expected something on the train beyond cold grey eyes from his best mate’s little brother. But he’d been disappointed.

Regulus was prefect that year, and one late afternoon James dragged him behind one of the knights, pinning him to the wall. “I thought you liked me,” James whispered. “I like you.”

Regulus, for just a moment, looked like he was going to cry. Then he put his finger to James’ lips, and James kissed it. Before James could react further, Regulus brushed his mouth against the sixth year’s, dry and chaste, but full of a longing James knew all about.

And then he was gone.

Sirius ran away after that, and James was sure it was over.

Now Regulus was stood in the doorway of the old guest room, looking beaten and bedraggled. Scared and unsure, and all James wanted to do was put his arms round the other man and hold him close. “This okay for you?” he asked, finally turning.

Regulus inclined his head once, sharply. “Fine. Thank you. I’ll do my best to acquire other lodgings as soon as…”

“Stop,” James said. “This manor has seven bedrooms. You’re going to be fine here. I mean, unless the stench of blood traitor is too much for you.”

Regulus, once more, looked like he might cry. James instead crossed the room and put his hands on Regulus’ shoulders, holding tight.

“Please don’t,” Regulus said brokenly.

“You’re safe here, Reg. No one can touch you here. Not unless you let them. I’ve got you.”

Regulus’ lips twitched, then firmed into a thin line, and he asked James, “Would it be alright if I was alone for a while?”

James nodded and moved past him, dragging his hands away with enough effort it actually hurt. Then the door shut and he heard the silencing spell go up.

Hours later, Remus and Sirius had gone, Regulus had not come out, and James went to bed.

*** 

It was well past midnight. A storm was raging just outside the home, and even with all the spells James had put up, it couldn’t shut out all the booming thunder. At first he thought that’s what the noise was, until he realised it was a tapping on his door.

Scrubbing his face, eyes bleary from lack of glasses, James shuffled over and yanked it open. Regulus stood there, attempting to look straight-backed and strong, but there was a weariness to his eyes. James said nothing, only tangling his fingers with Regulus’ and tugged him back to the bed. He pulled back the duvet and shuffled toward the wall, and didn’t settle down until Regulus was firmly tucked in.

He pulled the duvet up over them both, and moved close enough to touch, though only their fingers remained in contact still. “Can’t sleep?”

Regulus cleared his throat, then shook his head. “Storm.”

“And nothing else?”

“Nothing you’ll hear me say aloud. Did Sirius leave?”

James hummed, closing his eyes, fighting off sleep. “Mm. Hours ago. Are you hungry? You missed tea.”

“Don’t think I could stomach anything right now,” Regulus murmured. He turned onto his side, and when his fingers tightened round James’. “Do you erm…”

“Yes,” James said. He wasn’t completely sure what Regulus was asking, but he was sure whatever the question _was_ , his answer was yes. Always yes.

Regulus blinked at him in the hazy din of the room. “James,” he breathed.

James disentangled their fingers, then brought his to Regulus’ cheek. He dragged his thumb along the skin there, dipping into Regulus’ dimple for a moment, and he couldn’t help his smile as he yanked the younger man closer. His arms came round him, tucking him tight against his chest, and he held him fast.

“You’re safe now,” he whispered.

A moment later, Regulus went boneless. His breathing evened out.

He slept.

*** 

This carried on for weeks. Regulus began to rebuild his relationship with Sirius, to the point they smiled at each other—the few moments when Regulus did smile. They shared meals and Regulus quietly apologised. Sirius loudly did the same, and hugged him. 

They played gobstones and chess. They had meals. They drank too much whiskey and they cried over James’ parents, over lost time, over childhoods which led them to believe all the wrong things.

At night Regulus would go into his room, and by midnight he was tucked into James’ arms. They didn’t get further than that first night, but James was remembering what it was like to be in love.

Or perhaps, he was discovering how it really felt.

*** 

“Are you and Lily going to rekindle things when the baby comes?” Regulus asked one night. He’d come in much earlier—so early James doubted he even touched his bed. He had his pyjamas on, and was carefully crawling toward James.

James, startled by the question, blinked at him. “Erm. Why would you ask that?”

“Seems the natural course of things. She’s having your baby. Don’t you think…”

James quieted him, pressing the pad of his finger to Regulus’ lips. “She and I do not love each other. Not the way we should. Not the way I love…” He stopped himself from going too far. “I can’t wait to meet my child, but no.”

Regulus blinked at him for a long moment, then curled his fingers round James’ wrist and pulled it away from his face. “I think I love you.”

James stared. He felt a smile threatening to break through, but he was afraid if he reacted too loudly, or too much, Regulus would take it away. That he’d be scared off. “Okay,” he breathed, and as Regulus’ face began to fall, as his eyes filled with heartbreak, James tugged him close. “I think I’ve been at least half in love with you since the summer before sixth year.”

Regulus swallowed thickly. “You…I…um. What?”

James couldn’t help his laugh this time, and he brushed his fingers into Regulus’ hair. “Beautiful. You’ve always been so beautiful.” He pushed his nose against Regulus’ and breathed him in.

“No. No I’m not. I’m…Sirius has always been…”

“Sirius is beautiful,” James conceded. “But it doesn’t make you less so.”

Regulus was shaking his head, but James was shifting closer, cupping his cheeks, connecting their gazes. “James,” he breathed again.

“I would very much like to kiss you. To touch you. I’ve wanted you for so long now and I…”

“Yes,” Regulus blurted. “Yes. Please.”

“Yes to what?” James whispered, speaking almost right up against the other man’s lips.

“All of it. Everything,” Regulus said. “I want you.”

James groaned, then surged forward and their lips met. Regulus, although he wanted it, needed it, expected it, still found himself surprised. His mouth parted, and James mirrored the gesture, slotting their lips together with a little too much teeth, and it was a little too wet, but in a way it was also perfect.

Regulus’ hands shot out, scrambling for purchase, the need to ground himself almost overwhelming. James felt the same, clamping his hands down round Regulus’ shoulders, and after a moment, he broke the kiss, panting as he pressed their foreheads together.

“Merlin that was…”

Regulus was nodding rapidly, his cheeks flushed, chest hitching on every other breath. “I’d pictured that for so long, and I was always afraid it wouldn’t live up to my fantasy.”

“And?” James pressed.

Regulus laughed. “I don’t know.”

James found himself laughing too, shaking his head. “Neither do I. Merlin this is…” He pulled back to properly look at Regulus, one hand moving to the younger man’s cheek once more, thumb stroking along his cheekbone. “You’re beautiful.” 

If possible, Regulus blushed harder, and his hand loosened in James’ pyjama shirt, trailing down and under the fabric to splay out against Quidditch-taut muscle. “You make my head spin. I want…I want you.”

James swallowed thickly, but when Regulus’ hand started to travel down further, James caught him by the wrist and drew his hand up. He pressed a hot kiss to the centre of Regulus’ palm, and spoke against his skin. “There’s something I should…well the thing is.” He cleared his throat and didn’t meet Regulus’ eyes. “I’ve never done that. I mean, apart from with Lily. She was my first and well…”

“It’s okay,” Regulus breathed, a little startled because he’d assumed that before Lily James had dated. He’d had somewhat of a reputation and the rumours alone about him and Sirius in their earlier days set all of Regulus’ expectations about James.

Which, apparently, had all been wrong?

“I’ve thought about this for so long and I want it to be nice.”

“Well it’s probably going to be weird and awkward,” Regulus admitted. “But I still want it. Want you.” He dipped his head, sucking dully at James’ pulse point.

James groaned, and let Regulus’ hand go so he could twist his fingers into the soft, silky black locks tickling the side of his face. He wrenched Regulus’ head back lightly, then devoured his mouth once more. This time, when Regulus’ hands began to wander, James didn’t stop them. He arched his hips into the touch, groaning into Regulus’ mouth when thin, careful fingers curled round him and began a tentative stroke.

“Oh. Oh Merlin,” James groaned, his kisses becoming stuttered. He felt it _all over_ his body, in every pore, like someone had let off fireworks just under his skin.

He nearly lost himself in the sensation, and only came back to himself when Regulus whispered brokenly in his ear, “Touch me, please please please.”

James’ fingers scrambled to obey before his brain even processed the words, processed the begging tone. He was fumbling with the front of Regulus’ pyjama bottoms, dragging them down, then mimicking the same motions Regulus was making on him. Eventually he found a certain pressure made Regulus gasp, and a clever twist about the head made him groan and thrust his hips.

And before long they were matching each other, learning each other, and coming. James was first, losing his grip on Regulus as his orgasm nearly wrecked him. He canted his hips hard against Regulus’ hand, bowing his head forward, biting lightly on Regulus’ shoulder. 

When he came back to himself, he could feel Regulus’ throbbing hardness resting against his knuckles, and he quickly got to work. As he did, revelling in the soft pants and clench of Regulus’ fingers at his waist, he thought of other ways that might make this moment even better. Mouths next time. Lube. Letting Regulus deep inside him because _oh Merlin_ that thought alone was enough to get him almost hard again.

Before long, Regulus was coming, hiding a small cry in the crook of James’ neck. His skin went hot and flushed, and he shook a bit as he spilt over the older man’s knuckles. It was sticky, a little unpleasant, but also the best thing James had ever felt possibly ever.

He used a whispered charm, pouring what strength he had left into the wandless magic. It cleaned most of it up, enough so they could rest comfortably on the sheets, skin to skin. They were still breathing a little heavy, James’ heart pounding so hard he could feel the rhythmic thumping in his stomach.

Then Regulus’ hand came out, splaying flat on his abdomen, and he rolled onto his side, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of James’ mouth. “This wasn’t the last time, right?”

James’ eyes widened, then he laughed and reached a hand up to cup Regulus’ cheek, pulling him in to close the distance, to kiss him again—sweeter and softer than before. “No,” he said, moving away only enough so that his voice could be heard, though their lips still brushed together. “No, definitely not the last time. I want you. Not just…” He waved his hand toward their hips, and Regulus snorted as James grinned. “But all of it. All of you.”

“Won’t Sirius,” Regulus began, but another kiss stopped his words.

“I don’t give a fuck,” James breathed, holding him tight, “what Sirius thinks. He doesn’t make my decisions for me. And I like you. I…more than like you.”

Regulus closed his eyes, then snuggled in, letting the side of his head rest against James’ chest. He could hear and feel the thrumming heart just under the skin, and he smiled. “I more than like you too.”

James let his fingers curl up into Regulus’ hair, and he pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. “Good,” he said. His eyes slipped closed, their breathing matched, and the gentle sounds of an Autumn storm lulled them both into an easy sleep.


End file.
